FML- or, why i don't bake

so, for some reason on saturday night, after several glasses of wine, i came up with the brilliant idea of baking my dad red velvet cupcakes for father's day. red velvet is probably his favorite thing in the world, and being the good little daughter that i am, i decided to put aside the fact that i can't bake and make him his favorite treat.

things started out fine- i had my cake mix (you didn't think i would make this sh*t from scratch, did you?) and what i thought were all the additional ingredients i needed- but, it turns out you need three eggs for red velvet cake, and i only had two. after unsuccessfully attempting to bully dave into running to the store for me, i decided to forego the last egg and just make the damn batter with two. it seemed to work out okay, and dave, being a far better chef than myself, suggested adding a bit more oil, to make up for the missing egg- apparently having something to do with the fact that eggs and oils are both fats? meh...

so, my batter is mixed... i have it all spooned out into it's little cupcake tins... get them in the oven... and, it's time to start the frosting.

this is where things get interesting.

red velvet cake does not going with just any old frosting out of a can. to make a TRUE red velvet cake, regardless of whether or not you're using a cake mix, you MUST make a "cooked buttercream" frosting... from scratch. i'd seen my mom do this a million times, and figured it would be no big deal. i mean, how hard can it be to make a heated milk mixture and then combine it with butter and sugar and a few other random ingredients? answer: it's really f*cking (pardon my french) hard- if you're me, and can't bake to save your life.

this frosting is *supposed* to turn out light and fluffy... and mine turned out... well, looking like this:

needless to say, i f'ed up.

at this point, i was ready to scrap the cupcakes all together. my dad obviously didn't know i was making them, and therefore they would never be missed. but, dave INSISTED on attempting to make his own batch of frosting. and, because he is dave and does EVERYTHING perfectly (*grumble*) his batched turned out exactly as supposed too. (*grumble*, pt. 2)

seriously, how is it that my HUSBAND is a better baker than i am??

so, thanks to dave, the cupcakes were saved from the trashcan... my dad was happy as a clam, and all was good.

but- it will be a LONG TIME before i get back into the kitchen to make a damn cake.